I could rant about how angry I am and confuse all of you. Or I could make something super happy and make it more confusing. I could write a poem, or song lyrics, I could do absolutely anything, and you would all still be confused. 

Well, I'm confused too. I'm asking why all this happened to me a second time, how I could let this happen again, how I could be friends with people who are rude and controlling, how I could be happy one minute, and crying the next. I have never had such a drastic series of mood swings in a long long time. 

I thought I was over all this, and I realize I'm not. I don't have all the answers to life, I don't have all the answers to how I feel or why I write what I do. I also don't have control over the people around me.

I could go on a rant about what scares me. Spiders scare me, heights scare me, rejection scares me, love scares me, being hurt scares me. I'm afraid to fall in love ever again, because I fear being used the way I was. I'm afraid of people caring about me, because they have a twisted sense of what "I care" or "I love" really means. I still ask why, I still cry, I still work through it and I still get up and trudge through life. 

My blog is called "For The Love Of Pain." I must love it because I keep getting hurt and letting people hurt me. I may hurt people, but it's never intentionally. I think it may be a subconcious thing that I wish to get back at them for what they did to me, but I'm not sure.

Years from now, once I'm in college, I may go back to find the people I lost and try again. I keep trying. I keep giving people chances, I keep giving my heart away.

I have no heart right now. It's gone, and been gone for awhile. 

Sorry for the confusion, I guess i'm just a little confused right now.

Sorry for the wait! I've been trying to get through life, which so far is going to hell in a hand basket. However, lets talk of happy things. Puppies, friends, summer, anything. Life is full of happy things. I got a new puppy last year, his name is Barney, and he is a Shih-Tzu. A lot of people don't like these dogs because they think they're yappers or whatever. This is simply not the case with a pure-bred Shih-Tzu. They're very calm, cuddly, and a great family dog. Barney will come up on my lap, roll over and lay in my arms like a baby, and bat at my hand until i rub his belly. He's definitely a momma's boy.
Throughout my lovely falling apart, I have a few true friends that have been there for me. People think I'm all over the place, and truly, I am. I want something one minute, and another thing another minute. I feel love and I feel hate, and I need to let go of the things weighing me down. I'm sorry for confusing everyone, it's never my intention. But I would like to thank all those who have stuck with me and haven't laughed in my face about the pain I've been through, or called me names that honestly aren't true.
Summer is actually a time I'm beginning to dread. I don't want to be stuck in a very small camper with  a stepmother that causes drama, a father who can't handle it, and an over anxious German Shepard. I can't move to anyone's house either, because I don't wish to put anyone to any trouble.

I am very sorry if this is all difficult to follow, again, I don't mean to cause confusion. I'm all a bit confused myself.