Well, I'm confused too. I'm asking why all this happened to me a second time, how I could let this happen again, how I could be friends with people who are rude and controlling, how I could be happy one minute, and crying the next. I have never had such a drastic series of mood swings in a long long time.
I thought I was over all this, and I realize I'm not. I don't have all the answers to life, I don't have all the answers to how I feel or why I write what I do. I also don't have control over the people around me.
I could go on a rant about what scares me. Spiders scare me, heights scare me, rejection scares me, love scares me, being hurt scares me. I'm afraid to fall in love ever again, because I fear being used the way I was. I'm afraid of people caring about me, because they have a twisted sense of what "I care" or "I love" really means. I still ask why, I still cry, I still work through it and I still get up and trudge through life.
My blog is called "For The Love Of Pain." I must love it because I keep getting hurt and letting people hurt me. I may hurt people, but it's never intentionally. I think it may be a subconcious thing that I wish to get back at them for what they did to me, but I'm not sure.
Years from now, once I'm in college, I may go back to find the people I lost and try again. I keep trying. I keep giving people chances, I keep giving my heart away.
I have no heart right now. It's gone, and been gone for awhile.
Sorry for the confusion, I guess i'm just a little confused right now.
ya know what screw the no contact a comment is a comment we all get confused but finding what you want doesn't come close to things you had. you have a beautiful mind full of fun and imagination use it to create a better even more beautiful you confusion ends life doesn't unless you end it yourself but that's' never something to do be you and be beautiful like i always told you that u were and ik it may not mean anything to you now but im here and ill still be here when no one else will be forever caring and hiding in the shadows to catch you again when you fall because everyone falls down its the chance to be caught that we all look for and ill be there to catch you but right now I'm falling and no one is here to catch me
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you feel confused and depressed, but eventually you will find your way!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Haylie, eventually you will find your way and you will be happy! Don't give up I have faith in you!!
ReplyDeleteYou definitely will find your way Maggie! When life gets hard you need to remember to think positive and believe that better things will come of this. Stay strong and stay beautiful!
ReplyDeleteCome on Maggie get some titles lol. I'm just playing great writing as always.
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